The Road to Miss USA and Beyond
In this episode of Unstoppable Stories, host Lauren Cardillo welcomes U.S. Army Veteran, Former Miss USA, & UMGC Alumna Deshauna Barber to discuss her extraordinary journey. From balancing military service with pageantry to overcoming obstacles through perseverance and tenacity, Deshauna shares the lessons that shaped her success.
Deshauna reflects on the power of resilience, the importance of continued education, and the role confidence plays in achieving personal and professional goals. She also opens up about her experience as a woman in the military, the impact of motivational speaking, and the pivotal moments that transformed her career.
Episode Information
Deshauna Barber:
Perseverance and tenacity is a requirement to succeed. There is absolutely no way to experience achievement without staying persistent on this road to success, and that we always say, you know, a door shut. It's not a door closed. It's not a door locked. It's not a door cemented, it is just a door that's currently closed. And I always say to keep your hand on the doorknob of opportunity. So that when the door does open, you're ready for it.
Intro:
Welcome to the UMGC podcast Unstoppable Stories with your host Lauren Cardillo.
Lauren Cardillo:
Today I'm joined by Deshauna Barber, obviously a UMGC grad, but also a former Miss USA and a military vet. Welcome. Hello. So happy to be here. We love that you're here. So I have to ask the first question because it's like. The most obvious one to me. Reading in your book, you said beauty pageants were never something you thought about. You thought if it was for frilly feminine people, you were also in the military. Those are two things that most people think do not meet or combine in any way. So tell us how you actually were both. Active duty and Miss USA, how did that happen?
Deshauna Barber:
So, oh my gosh. You know, when people say to themselves, oh, beauty, pageants, military, I always say, that's kind of just who I am. And I didn't realize that it was historic or a big deal until I won this USA and it kind of just took off. And everybody loved this, like opposing industry or opposing space. And it, it was a really beautiful thing, but. I was discovered in Target randomly when I was 19 years old. I had already been in my second year of ROTC at Virginia State University, and two years later, of course, I go onto commission as an officer in the Army Reserve, and it was this, aAmazing balance, but it was a experience that I didn't realize how amazing and beautiful and stereotype breaking it was until the crown went on my head. And then now I have to not only be an advocate for the military, but I have to be an advocate for. Women in pageantry and being able to show that we are beauty and brains.
So that was one of the really awesome things about being someone that represented both those spaces. And now we're seeing it more and more and more because the Miss America 2024 was a active duty Air Force officer. And then Miss USA. 2024 was a active duty Army officer, so I was the first uniformed person to win Miss USA and the current, miss USA was the first active duty military personnel to win Miss USA. So now we're just seeing it more. We're seeing women in uniform, we're seeing firefighters, we're seeing police officers. I think it's just incredible to be able to show. The diversity that comes from being a woman. All of us had these very different backgrounds and experiences, but we all love the, the beauty industry.
We love being able to put on some heels and put our makeup on and get our hair done. Well, maybe not the heels, but we like the hair in the makeup, right? So we like to grow out and just be beautiful feminine women. And I think one thing that's interesting about being a woman in uniform. Is, you don't have many moments like that. You're constantly in a very masculine, male dominated space, and I feel like pageantry is oftentimes an outlet for us and it's an opportunity for us to be able to experience a different side of who we are.
Lauren Cardillo:
When you first, um, told your mom, who I know is very important in your life that you were gonna start doing the pageant thing, what was her reaction?
Deshauna Barber:
She was excited and very much on board. She was, she was one of my biggest supporters and she came to every single pageant that I competed in and unfortunately three months into winning this USA, she passed away from lung cancer. But it was a blessing and an honor to be able to win and her be able to watch that on tv. She was on hospice at the time. So it was just one of those things that was, it gave me the fire that I needed to really fight for that crown and, and, and, and, and have the spirit that I needed to be able to get up there and, and show who I was because I knew that she was watching and I knew that she wouldn't be living much longer. And I wanted it to, to win kind of as a gift for her. Uh, and I think, I think I did that. So, yeah.
Lauren Cardillo:
But it wasn't an easy path because you went how many times to Miss D in Washington DC Seven times total at the state level. Right?
Deshauna Barber:
So I did. Four or five times, four times at Miss Virginia USA, most people don't know this 'cause I keep it a secret. Um, but I, I started in Miss Virginia USA and, um, I ended up moving to DC and then competing in DC twice. So, um, it was a total of seven years of competing and the, and the first half of that was, yeah, spent in Virginia.
Lauren Cardillo:
So what did those seven years teach you? A lot of people would've given up, but I know you did not, and there's a message to that. What was it?
Deshauna Barber:
I think it was one of my first real life lessons that perseverance and tenacity is a requirement to succeed. There is absolutely no way to experience achievement. Without staying persistent on this road to success and that we always say, you know, a door shut is not a door closed. It's not a door locked, it's not a door cemented, it is just a door that's currently closed. And I always say to keep your hand on the doorknob for opportunity so that when the door does open, you're ready for it. And I always say to myself that timing is very important, that sometimes we want a goal. But who we are in that moment is not who we need to be to be able to properly handle the goal that we're requesting. So for Miss USA, I was not ready to be Miss USA, my first year of competing at the state level, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth. It, I wasn't truly ready until the seventh time. Um, and I evolved version of myself.
And now that I experienced Miss USA, I'm so happy that I won at the time that I did because. The maturity level, the understanding of the world and the in, in my, in life in general, and the responsibility that comes with being able to handle a national title. I need it to be a certain type of Deshauna first, and the appreciation that you feel once you achieve your goal and you have, you know, hindsight is 2020, you're like, okay. Actually this was perfect timing. Like it happened when it was supposed to. So it's also just remaining faith filled and, and knowing that when your time comes, it'll be the perfect timing. It's not when you want it to happen, it's when it's supposed to happen and when it's the best time for it to happen.
Lauren Cardillo:
You have a line that I've read and heard you say about failure. That I love. So tell, tell us that because it's such a great way of flipping sort of, you know, the success idea.
Deshauna Barber:
Yes. It's uh, do not fear failure, but please be terrified of regret as giving up is the birch of regret.
Lauren Cardillo:
Yeah. Because seven times people might have given up.
Deshauna Barber:
Oh yeah. A lot of them do. A lot of them do. It's just a huge financial commitment. It's, it's, it, when you're, when you're standing on stage, it's a very vulnerable experience. You're being judged openly, you know, so it, it definitely requires some, uh, somewhat of a. Strength and a little bit of a bulletproof vest to be able to take those bullets.
Lauren Cardillo:
Yeah. But it's not just about a beauty pageant. I mean, the sense of, you know, or if you're in, in mis congeniality, was it a scholarship program? Right. Her line. But it's about applying that to life. You know, because you've done so many things and nothing seems to deter you, you know, it's just like, go, go, go, go. I mean, failure's not an option.
Deshauna Barber:
It's not, and in, in, in, in the moments that it is, I always say to myself, I'd rather have attempted and failed. Then not attempted and been curious about whether or not I would've accomplished it. I have a hard time sleeping at night knowing that I didn't try something, knowing that I didn't attempt to go for something that I wanted. And we, you know, I was watching this, I was reading an article actually of an individual that interviewed like dozens of, um, like senior citizens living in a, uh, elderly home. And a lot of them had so many regrets on the career fields that they wished that they had, you know, went into, or even the people that they didn't pursue and, and marry. And there's all these things that they're talking about. And one of the, their biggest struggles is not chasing after a specific dream and. I remember in the article them, you know, recommending that no matter where you are in life, that if there's still time for you to go for something, to go for it, because you don't wanna be here, you know, in, in, in your, in your senior.
Section of life. Senior, senior part of your life, you're thinking back to yourself, man, I wish I would've chased after that job. Or tried to be a news anchor, or try to be an astronaut or try la. Like all these things we wish we would have done. And that's a hard, that's a hard pill to swallow knowing that you had life and you didn't try every single thing that popped up in your heart to desire. So I'm, I'm the type of person that if it pops up in my heart, I'm gonna try it. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But I'd rather. I'd rather experience failure than experience regret.
Lauren Cardillo:
I'm reading your book, which I will find. Where is it? Here we go. Reading your book. Pretty, pretty ugly lessons, which I love the title. Thank you. I found out that you told your story about meeting the woman in Target, um, who really became your mentor for beauty pageants, and. You told it at A-U-M-G-C commencement and I remember it. I've seen the footage. And you went home that day and there was an eviction notice on your apartment door. Yes. And I was like, I had no idea. So yeah. Tell us how that turned things around or what that did.
Deshauna Barber:
So, oh, I gosh. I just love, thank you. Or for purchasing my book. Thank you so much. It's such a great book and I gotta do a better job at promoting it more. But, um, it's a very vulnerable book for me, but it's also a self-help book that kind of goes over my top lessons in life. And that specific story that you just mentioned is a stay the course lesson. Because as soon as I handed over my crown as Miss USA, which was in May of 2017, UMGC had already reached out to me about being their fall commencement speaker. So I said to myself, oh, absolutely, because I was stepping into motivational speaking and I left Miss USA with the goal of focusing in on promoting and building my speaking career. But what a lot of people don't tell you about being a motivational speaker is that no one wants to book you without speaking experience, but you have no speaking experience because no one wants to book you. Right? So up until UMGC booking me, I was getting only pro bono speeches, right?
And, and UMGC, the commencement speech was pro bono, but. I was maxing out credit cards, I was taking out loans. I kept saying to myself, I can't go back to a nine to five because my goal is to continue to be a full-time motivational speaker, but no one is willing to pay me right now because I have very minimal speaking experience, or they're just not allowed. And when you're traveling and speaking with people for free, that's costly and it's expensive. So I was running behind on my rent. It was just financially a, a horrible experience. And then I go to UMGC. I give this like groundbreaking speech and we'll get to what that speech did for me. But I gave this amazing speech. So many people are tagging me, posting me. Messaging me about how great the speech was. I come home, there's eviction notice on my door and I'm bawling my eyes out. I rip it off of the door and I walk into my apartment and I say, okay, Deshauna, we have to make a decision because this speaking thing isn't working out.
You're, you might, you're gonna be a homeless, miss USA if you don't figure out what to do here. And I'm thinking, okay. Go back to work because I was working in the government before Miss USA, before the speaking thing. Before anything, it's easy for me to go back. My master's degree is from ÐÒ¸£±¦µ¼º½ and computer Information Systems. I can go back to the government as an IT analyst, no big deal, or I can continue to step out on faith and choose to continue to go for this motivational speaking thing. And I sat there and I sat there and I sat there and I sat there and something in my heart told me, stay the course. Stay the course. There's something in my spirit said there's something coming, Shawna, something. So I took the ÐÒ¸£±¦µ¼º½ speech, I posted it on all of my social media networks, and I put all these hashtags, you know, motivational speaker, commencement speaker, all this stuff. And then I get contacted by a platform called Goal Cast.
They are a massive platform for inspirational content. Millions and millions of social media followers across platforms. And they say, Hey, Deshauna, we saw your ÐÒ¸£±¦µ¼º½ speech at random. We'd love to put it on our platform. I remember thinking to myself, um, yeah, absolutely thinking I'll get like five or 10,000 views, you know, within the first year not worrying anything about it. And they wanted rights to the content, so. I sent it over to them within a month they posted it, and I think within the first 60 days it had reached over 25 million views within the first 60 days. And. My phone was ringing off the hook. I had an agency at the time that started getting all of these inquiries for bookings, and literally ever since then, I've been a full-time motivational speaker. I. Booked in busy six figure income off of speaking, and it had transformed my life, all thanks to UMGC giving me the opportunity to speak to 7,000 people in this massive stadium and being able to take that video and post it. And now I haven't seen an eviction notice since, so I'm happy to say that. I'm just, I'm so grateful, uh, to this university in my alma mater for, for the opportunity to stand on that stage and be able to use that content to show, you know, the world that, Hey, I've got something to offer.
I've got a story to tell and it's just insanity to see. I. Even to this day, I still get bookings off that same speech. And that's again where you mentioned Lauren, the quote, and that's where I created the quote quote when I was writing the EMG speech, it was the first time I ever said it, which was, do not fear failure, but please be terrified of. Regret is giving up is the birth of regret. It's the first time I ever said that quote on stage was at the commencement ceremony, and it's just a, a beautiful thing to be able to, to have this revelation about all these puzzle pieces. Falling into place for me to be where I am today.
Lauren Cardillo:
It's, it's just weird is not the right word, but you know, you gave a great speech.
You come home, it's like a complete downer, and then a couple months later it turns into this. Amazing thing and it's like that is just, it's serendipitous, but it's also about perseverance.
Deshauna Barber:
Absolutely. It is and, and it's also, it's about good friends. I called my best friend of 15 years and I said, Hey, I need you to pay my rent. Uh, and, you know, she has to do what a best friend does, which is, you know, say, Hey, I support you, but I, I'm not gonna be able to do this every month, but this is what I can do for you right now. Um, and I was able to pull in some other, you know, side gigs and stuff like that, content and things to be able to pull in income to get me, you know, through that next few months before the speech went viral.
But it's, it is very serendipitous. It's, it's the opportunity to see that, wow, if you just. Get past that point of giving up, and we all come to that point where it is like this massive sign or this massive, uh, happening in our life that, that says to us, yeah, this might be the end of the road. If you can get your mind in your, in your body, in your faith past that line, it's almost like the universe says, okay, you deserve it now. Like we, we, we threw every curve ball at you and now you deserve it. So let me just go ahead and give it to you now. That's what it feels like, you know, it just felt like getting past that point of, of, of giving up, right when, right when you have reached your limit, when you are at the bare bottom, waited just a little bit longer and usually by then something miraculous ends up happening.
It's beautiful.
Lauren Cardillo:
You said a little earlier, it's. In passing, but you know, military intel, you know, analysts, that sort of thing. What drew you to the military? 'cause that's part of your story too, and it sort of motivates who you are. Um, what drew you there?
Deshauna Barber:
Uh, my parents. So both my mom and dad, sister and brother are all army veterans, so I am. And my stepmom too. So. We were a military army family traveling from base to base every three to four years. And it was kind of a known fact to myself and my siblings that my parents were gonna require us to join the military we already knew. Um, the only difference is that my siblings, my sister and my brother went straight after high school.
Straight into bootcamp and all of that, and I decided to go the officer route, which means that I went through my university to commission into the military. Um, but I, I always knew that I was gonna join. I didn't know when, at what point it was gonna be, but my alma mater, Virginia State University, where I got my bachelor's degree, they have a great ROTC program and I was really happy when they accepted me into their university. And I saw, um, all the scholarships that they had available and I was able to get a scholarship my first semester and, and that kind of just took me off into, to stepping into being an officer in the military.
Lauren Cardillo:
What, what was the best part of the military for you? Because you, you did lots of different jobs, and most people think of the military as just, you know, defense.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, what was the best part for you? Huh? Or what, or what'd you learn from it that really shaped you?
Deshauna Barber:
I would say the best part is probably the friendships that I experienced and some of the things I learned most from the military is. I'm really good at accepting a challenge. Um, I took company command in, uh, 2014, I believe. I was only a first lieutenant at the time, and I was like, 23, 24, and y'all are putting me in a, a commander position to lead soldiers. Many of these soldiers are looking at me more like their daughter than as their commander, uh, because they're my parents' age and I'm their, their children's age. So it's also about. You know, earning respect and stuff like that. But it was my first real taste of what it means to be a leader. And you know, we've all had good leaders and bad leaders, good environments and toxic environments. So by then I had had a few bad experiences of leadership in the military and I told myself. I wanna make sure that my soldiers remember me for, for great things.
Like I, the, I wanna leave a great taste in their mouth. I wanna make sure that their families know that they're supported, that they're supported, that I have an open door policy that really is an open door policy that I'm understanding and empathetic. So I, I have this, this thing that I talk about even in my speeches, is about the power of compassionate leadership, and that if we lead with compassions. Our employees and our workforce works better when they believe that they are loved, supported, respected, appreciated, and that they feel the compassion and the empathy from you and your work. It's just angry people don't work well. You know, mad people don't work well, so we, we have to learn how to make people happy and.
My soldier's happiness was very important to me. Their, their sleep and their rest and their wellness and their health was very important to me. And because of that, we worked really well together and ended up becoming one of the top performing companies in the battalion and the brigade, uh, at our unit in Fort Mead, Maryland. I remember thinking to myself, wow. So really just leading with love. Honestly, if you lead with love, I think these soldiers are working the best I've ever seen them work before, and a lot of them are coming out of places in which they didn't necessarily appreciate their leadership. So now I'm, I'm having to, to deal with some of the resentment that they have from previous units and I.
I could just see them transforming now, becoming excited to come to drill every month and excited to work and learning so much. And it's just leadership to me is a responsibility I. Less of a power. Power. Uh, we, when you're on a power trip, sometimes people are looking for power. I'm looking for impact when I'm in a leadership space. So after being in that command position for three to four years, I. It prepared me for becoming President of Service Women's Action Network, which is an advocacy group that I was president of for three and a half years. That was based in DC and it's advocacy group that's specifically for helping elevate the, the lives and the impact and all these things of for women, veterans and women's service members.
We advocate a lot on the Hill. We did all these amazing things, and I had an all women majority female staff. Or majority veteran staff. And I was able to, to kind of bring that compassionate leadership style into that position. And I just realized, yeah, you know, leadership is a lot of responsibility, but if you give it to someone, um, that is, that is capable of, of leading with compassion, you're going to have the best outcome of the people that they lead.
Lauren Cardillo:
So I, I noticed a trend, so you know that service. Be it to women, veterans, military, the different things you did as Miss USA, um, why so important? How did that get instilled into you?
Deshauna Barber:
Huh. I think because, I believe specifically that veterans are overlooked, but especially women veterans are overlooked. I'll never forget. A tweet from probably six or seven years ago, it was this unit getting deployed. I forgot where they were going, but whatever it was, the tweet, the individual that tweeted it was not happy about the deployment and they said in the tweet, I hate to see sons, fathers, uncles going off to war. And I remember thinking to myself. What about daughters, mothers, aunts? Like, how are we completely disregarding the millions of women that serve in the military? And it's a, we're just such an overlooked group. We're completely forgotten. For individuals that don't know me when I, I remember, you know, going to all these different places and a, a random person says, yeah, you know, I'm a service member, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And having this whole conversation like they're trying to teach me something and then I say, well, you know, I'm a veteran as well. And they're shocked. They're like, what? You're a veteran? Yeah. Women serve in the military. Y'all don't see the, all these women in the military. So it, it's one of those things where these VSOs, which are veteran service organizations. What was discovered with Service Women's Action Network by the founders that founded it 15 years ago or longer than that now is 2009. Uh, so 16 years ago, and. They discovered that veteran service organizations, their primary resources are for men. They are male centered. That comes down to the, the legislation that they advocate for. That comes down to the, the statistic and the datas that they run to be able to prove. The, the, the legislation that they're trying to pass. And they completely disregard the idea that some of these things that we're creating should also include the other section of our military force, which happen to be women.
And we have very different needs. So what are you doing to advocate for women specific needs? And that's why the organization was founded and during my time in service, my mom, during her time in service. You really do see even down to the uniform, even down to the, the, what do you call it, the LBV, which is the, the bulletproof vest that you wear. Those things are specifically fitted to a man's body, and it was causing, they ran a, um, this, uh, this research to find out that because it's focused on a man's body, women, we have hips. So it was shafing. The base of a lot of women's stomachs and causing cyst to be, uh, to form in their abdomens. So it, it's little things like that that no one is thinking about. Also comes down to our, our kevlars, which is the, the, this hard hat that goes on your head. You're, you're considering the fact that. There's no hair under there. What about the individuals that have hair? Right? And now you're getting all of these, um, spots on your head in the back of your head that's also causing cysts and abrasions and stuff like that.
So it's those things that are not thought about because these, these organizations and the military as a whole has had its tendency to be very male centered. And that's one of the reasons, or I know it was long-winded, but that was one of the reasons why I thought that Swan Services Action Network such a major. Organization to be a part of. I was happy to be their president for three and a half years and then transition to the board of directors. But yeah, it's one of those things where we have to really. Open our eyes to who's really in the uniform, and it's not just men.
Lauren Cardillo:
And I think that would, that would drill down to even the way, you know, Jeeps are, are modeled, you know, because maybe there's someone shorter sitting there or, you know, it's just, you're absolutely right. It's, it was made for one thing and not the other, you know? Exactly. So how, how active are you now with. Advocating for women vets as well.
Deshauna Barber:
You know, keep mind also very active. Thank you for asking that. I'm so, I'm still very much involved with different organizations like Operation Home for USO, uh, student Veterans of America. IAVA and I just recently last year founded my own organization called Women Better Inspir Change with the goal of giving women a voice, uh, to be positive impact in our communities, but specifically on the Hill, making sure that we're involved in some of these decision makings because there's a lot of things that are not being thought of.
We're able to bring that. That, that diversity of thought, especially through a women's point of view. So it's, it's still very much a newborn organization, but I'm, I'm happy to see it growing and building and I'm developing it. Uh, but I'm just, I'm always kind of in this space and, and, and working with different. Different organizations and communities. I actually just recently did a, um, I was at the military influencer conference in Atlanta this past October and I was there, uh, with TikTok actually. They had a booth and they had a panel that I was on, and I was even a part of their Veterans for TikTok program where they donated $10 million to 10 different VSOs.
So $1 million each. And, um, they were doing, they're doing all these, these great things for veterans. So I, I had a really great job, uh, a great experience speaking about some of that work last year at the Military Influencer Conference. It's one of my favorite military conferences. If you all are, are veterans or service members or spouses, um, or even military children, it's open to all these individuals including just military allies. I don't know where they're gonna be at next year, but just look them up. Military, uh, influencer conference and it's incredible space to be.
Lauren Cardillo:
So someone listening to this would say, wow, she's this really strong, you know, great woman. But then reading your book. But you were bullied in high school. Yeah. Yeah.
And you were like, this thin, you know, little, I won't say little, that's not the word, but one, how did that happen? And two, how did you throw that aside? Like, tell me what the experience was.
Deshauna Barber:
Yeah, so I know people are like, oh, she was bullied in high school. I know people think of it that way, but growing up when when you're transitioning into a space like pageantry that requires confidence and your confidence has been beat down for so many years. That bullying really does affect you. For anybody that has experienced bullying, it really does affect your self-esteem during these primary development years, right? So I was a very small, small, small girl. Have you ever seen the show, um, pepper in? Do you remember that show? Oh my God. That cart on Cartoon Network. I think it was my favorite show because I'm like, oh, this is Representation Pepper in is so skinny and like very thin and like they call her like spaghetti and stuff like that. I was just like, okay, this is representation, but, but my point is that. I was very thin. I'm still very thin now, so just imagine me thinner and in sixth, seventh, eighth grade, ninth, 10th, 11th, 12th grade.
I didn't reach. So, so you all have specifics. I didn't reach a hundred pounds until I got to college. That's the first time that I made it over the a hundred pound mark. And not to give too much information, but I'm only 1 25 now. Right. And I, I entered college in, uh, 2007. I've only gained 25 pounds since then, so I have very fast metabolism. I've always had super high metabolism and in high school, ugh, the way in which everyone never. Forgot to remind me that I am very skin skinny. I'm 90 pounds, 12th grade, and I just had to constantly deal with this reminder of, of, of not being considered beautiful, and it all had to do with my weights. So by the time I got to competing in pageants, this was probably one of the first places where being skinny.
Is okay. But that's the beauty industry, right? Where modeling, it's okay to be skinny. If you're in the public eye, it's okay to be skinny, but in pageantry it was okay, but I was still very much considered too skinny. There was a such thing as too skinny, a pageantry. So I had to one, make it a. A, uh, priority for me to work out as much as possible so that I could kind of build muscles since I can't seem to build any fat. Mm-hmm. And it, it really just pushed me to, okay, you're not happy with the way that you look and seems like the judges may not so much be happy with the way that I look, which might be why it took so long to win. But. What I had to work on is that you are who you are, who you say you are. Does that make sense?
It sounds crazy, but you are who you are and who you say you are. I say that I'm beautiful. I say that I'm gorgeous. I say that I deserve this crown. I say that this dress looks beautiful on me, and I'm going to make sure that when I hit the stage, my aura is showcasing just how confident I am in the way that I look, because what's the alternative? To go on this stage and, and, and proceed to look like I'm not confident to look like I have low self-esteem, just to give them more reason not to crown me. So pageantry kind of forced me to find confidence. There's, there's literally, it's very difficult to invest so much money and time into something just to already be sabotaged by the time you get there, by adding low confidence. So I was. Forced to, to find something within me, to, to look myself in the mirror and say, you're beautiful. And with time, with, with manifestation, with, with speaking it into existence, I got to a point where, you know what? I am really loving what I see in the mirror and I, I want that to be expressed during my time on stage.
And, and, and again, it just, it sounds bad, but. Representation, right? Representation. But I wanted to really represent for the really skinny girls, right? The, the, the girls, the, the little girls that walked up to me and said, oh, you're so small. You know, who's a random person? That was very, very slim that I loved growing up, Whitney Houston. Was, I said, oh, I could totally be Whitney Houston one day. She was so slim in her early years during the, uh, the how will I knows and the I wanna dance with somebody. Like, she was so small and I used to love watching her music video 'cause I'm like, yeah, that's me. She got somewhere so I could get somewhere. Right. Um, but yeah, it's, it's, it's one of those things where it was, it seemed small at the time. I know people are like, she's bullied, but. Bullying really does impact your self-esteem. And I can't fathom being in school today where there's social media. Prior to when I was in high school, we had no social media, we had MySpace. Um, but that was really about it. And we didn't really have cell phones. I didn't get my first cell phone until 10th grade. Um, so even the access of bullying is very different than it is today. I feel even more remorseful for the individuals that experience bullying in this day and age because of the fact that it's oftentimes comes in the form of something digital, a digital bullying and social media bullying.
And it's just, it's horrible. But yeah.
Lauren Cardillo:
Well, I mean, high school for high school for girls is just. Bad enough at as it is, and then you add that layer on top. You know, I am totally with you on that one. You know, it's like you said, you didn't go the path of your brother and sister who went immediately.
Military. You went education first. Also a good way to pay obviously for Yes. So, so, but then from then you've gotten a master's, you've gotten a certificate, you know, you got the honorary doc. What is it that drives you to become more educated or, or pursuit of knowledge?
Deshauna Barber:
I think everyone should pursue education.
And, and here's the thing, I know that education is expensive. So even I always tell people, um, in my motivational speeches that even if you say can't go to college, you can't afford it. Books are cheap. You, you can go on amazon.com and get you a $15 book, a $20 book. Any way in which you're trying to gain knowledge is, is a way in which you are contributing and building yourself. You're, you're, you're building your ability. I. To have understanding of life and, and you're just adding more things to your resume to, to help you build wealth. I've always known that the way for me to become a subject matter expert and to be booked for things and to be considered for consulting work and stuff like that, I have to understand what I'm talking about. And I have to find a niche and a space, uh, within the world that I'm. Passionate about, or that I know is going to be able to help me build myself up. So. It's always been a goal for me to make sure that I am constantly on the road of elevation. And I think the only way to do that is through education, is through, it's through reading and, and it's through challenging yourself and training yourself in different spaces. I'll put this out there 'cause there's one thing that I, I have a goal of doing in 2025 is learning another language. Uh, I want, I want to be bilingual, right? So that's something that I'm challenging myself to do this year. So you, y'all are the first to hear it. If I don't have it done by 2026, you'll know I failed.
Uh, but I don't regret, right? Um, but yeah, it's just what are we doing to constantly elevate and learn and just, just become this? We have, we have access to a wealth of knowledge. We have to be able to chase after that. And it's a privilege to be able to have access to that knowledge.
Lauren Cardillo:
I went back and looked at the Miss USA Uhhuh when you won your outfit was this great blend of fashion, military and glam.
Okay. Yeah. Explain why you wanted to do that and for people who, dunno, it was sort of a very stylized, um, warrior outfit almost. Yeah. Like goddess like, yes. Why'd you decide to do that?
Deshauna Barber:
It was my, uh, miss Universe national costume, and I think you really kind of encompassed it. It was all these pieces of me to be this, this fighter, and I had a shield and little wings behind me and it was.
Primarily silver, but the shields had red, white, and blue on it, and then a eagle on the front, uh, for the American Eagle. And to me it was kind of just this, this implication of, of just patriotism, this love for country, and a different idea of what it would mean to be a soldier at a different time. Right?
Like we're, we're going back to medieval times, right? We're going way, way, way back. But what does it mean to be a warrior and. Still a little bit of an element of a modernized version 'cause it's silver and all of these things not made outta wood, but to me it was just. Accessing this superhero piece of me.
And I think that veterans, in my opinion, are American superheroes. They, they, they are out there risking their lives for us each and every day. My family risked their lives for this country in the American dream each and every day during their service. And to me, when I was growing up and I looked at my mom and my dad leaving, uh, the house in their uniforms.
And they're, and they're, you know, strapped up boots that they shined that morning. And I'm just like, wow, these are my superheroes. So when I had the opportunity to represent not only myself but the country on the Miss Universe stage, I wanted to showcase what it means to be this, this powerful woman, um, that's a fighter.
And that's, that's somebody that's even a protector. And I think that that's kind of what this idea of being a veteran or being a service member is in this country.
Lauren Cardillo:
It's sort of encapsulated everything you are.
Deshauna Barber:
Yes.
Lauren Cardillo:
Yes. Tell me what was going through your head when they read your name and you've won.
Deshauna Barber:
Oh, it's very nostalgic.
Um, and it, it was. One of those moments where it's an out-of-body experience because I'm sitting here holding hands with, um, miss Hawaii, Chelsea Hardin, and she's just amazing, sweet person. And I remember thinking to myself, thank you, God, for first runner up. This girl is gonna be an amazing Miss USA. She's gonna be awesome. But thank you for getting me to this point. So when they called my name, I'm like, oh, y'all chose me. And, and it is almost like my body and my spirit detached, and it was the most shocking thing. It's almost a blur where I have to watch. The crowning on YouTube to even really remember what happened because I completely blacked out. It felt like I was so shocked, and the way the audience went crazy and the the amazing women that I competed with ran up and hugged me. I just don't even remember it. I was in pure shock, and it's the first time I've ever really been in shock before. A good shock, of course. Um, but it was beautiful and it was exciting, and I just, I, I finally got some rest that night and I said to myself, okay.
Now I got a year to, to make some impact and it's, it's such a privilege. It's a, it's a massive privilege and you're going against so many women that have worked their butts off to be on that stage. So it's also a little bit of survivors remorse. 'cause you're like, gosh, all these women worked hard for this and they gave it to me. So I have to make sure that I do a good job. Uh, it's, it's, it's responsibility. It's the responsibility of being that, that class of women. I was the class of 2016, so I told them, even as I compete at Miss Universe, I said, you know, I want you all to know I'm not just going to Miss Universe as Deshaun or Miss USA. I'm going there as a representative of our class and, and I, I, I, I take this responsibility very seriously. I want you all to know I'm, I'm gonna go out there. I'm gonna, I'm going to do my best, not just for myself, not just for United States, but America, but for you guys who all worked to be in this position.
So just know it's, it's important to me and I hope that y'all know I'm gonna do my best. And it was. It was a, a beautiful experience. I'm still very close to my class actually. My, uh, one of my bridesmaids was Miss Kansas USA, my year and just the relationships that are built from it, it's, it's so many things I could say, but I would definitely just say in that moment it was an out of body experience and it was just an honor.
So to win that title.
Lauren Cardillo:
So if that, if that bullied high school student saw you today, what, what would she say?
Deshauna Barber:
What would she think? You know, she messaged me after I won Miss USA. She was one of my biggest bullies. Um, like she messaged me, she said, oh girl, you know, congratulations on winning this USA. I knew you were a win. You're such a winner. And I, I, I ignored her. I know that that's probably not the most mature thing to say on this podcast, but I ignored her. Okay. She made my life. In high school, a very bad experience. Um, but you know, I think for me, what I would assume she would say is maybe, dang, that sucks. This is a girl that. I kind of harassed growing up. I, I would hope she felt some level of remorse, but I'm, I'm glad she messaged me to say she was proud of me. Um, but you know, it's, it's one of those things where you kind of gotta side eye people a little bit. 'cause it's like told you, you know, you, you called me all these things, but now I miss USA consider most beautiful women in the country.
You know, kind of the fuel to the fire to be, to be reminded of all the naysayers and the individuals that thought you couldn't accomplish something there. To me, there's no better fuel. Than, than a hater. Right? So I, I always think to myself that her bullying really put the fuel and the, the gasoline in me to, to, to even push through, leave high school and, and, and go on the road to success. She was one of those individuals that I think I said, I would always remind myself, remember the things that they would call you. Let's make sure that they can't call you it now. But what if you could talk to you back then? Oh yeah. If I could talk to me, I would, I would just tell myself, you're so beautiful.
You're so amazing. You're an amazing friend, you're an amazing daughter, an amazing sister. You, you do so many great things for people. Ignore the naysayers. Ignore the people around you. That wouldn't bring you down and just, just focus on. Getting out of this high school and, and know that life is going to become this beautiful, amazing thing that you would've never dreamed of. So just wait on it and stay the course.
Lauren Cardillo:
And that's, that's great advice for anybody. Yes, Deshauna, thanks so much for joining us today. Loved listening to your inspiring stories. And for all those who listened and watch, please like and subscribe to our podcast, unstoppable Stories on whatever podcast platform.
You prefer. Again, thanks so much for being here. See you next time.
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